A Mother-Daughter Rose

A Mother, A Daughter, and A Rose
By: Alissa N.

Mementos, tokens, and other sentimental gifts from loved ones are always something to cherish.  But people often do things or give things to show their love for others that are not tangible.  At times they don’t even realize they are giving a gift because it is just part of who they are. For me, it was the gift of “being there” for a loved one.

As I left for a college in Utah, practically the opposite side of the country from my home in Michigan, I knew I’d only see my family twice a year.  My mother cried, as I knew she would.

But I didn’t, why would I?  I was 18 years old and surely bound for bigger and better things!

For the next few years, this scenario was repeated each time I boarded the plane. But, over those years, our relationship grew and changed in ways I hadn’t expected. Living on my own, I matured and grew to appreciate my mom.

Those were the days before cell phones, texting, and e-mail, so I cherished my weekly phone call home with Mom.  When things got tough, the calls were more frequent. She was always there, ready to talk about breakups with boyfriends, frustrations with roommates, trials with classes, and most often as my “nurse-on-call.”

As a registered nurse, she always could tell me if my symptoms were serious enough to ask someone for a ride to the hospital, like when I had scarlet fever during finals week!  Even though she was not physically there with me, she was always available to me by phone, and I never felt like she had anything else more important in the world to do than talk to me.  We became very close over my four years in college.

I never did move back home to Michigan.  After graduation, I moved to Seattle, even further from home and a year later I was married to my husband Paul and we moved all over the country, eventually settling in Ohio.

Between October of 1997 and April of 1999, we adopted a 2 year old boy and after several fertility treatments, gave birth to our little baby girl and were able to adopt our son’s newborn sibling. We knew God had a plan for us and our children as they came to us in such unique ways.

Our special needs children continue to teach us about patience, tolerance and love on a daily basis!  Through my years as a new wife, a hopeful mom, and a young, often overwhelmed working mom, my mother became my life line.

She lived almost 8 hours away, but that never prevented us from talking everyday.   She was my greatest cheerleader, biggest supporter, and always on my side.  She never judged me and even cried with me when I was upset.   Good days and bad days, Mom was the one I called.  She knew exactly what to say to make me feel better..  It was the pure love of a mother for her daughter.

In 1997 Mom began her battle with breast cancer.  When first diagnosed, she had no grandchildren, which was her greatest desire.  She begged and pleaded in her prayers that she might live long enough to enjoy time with her grandchildren.  Her prayers were answered eight times in her remaining eight years, as eight grandchildren came into the family through birth, adoption and marriage.  Mom beamed with delight as each new grandchild joined the family.

In the summer of 2005, Mom’s health began to deteriorate so I made a trip up to Michigan to visit.  The doctors gave us the dreaded news we feared.  She fought as best she could but it came to the point where the specialists could do no more.  I called my husband and told him I’d be staying with my mom until the end, no matter how long that would be.

I spent six incredible weeks with her.  As I tried to give back to her everything she had ever given to me, my understanding of love and courage. God’s plan became so clear to me.  I cared for her personal needs, I listened to every word, I took notes of everything she told me, I encouraged her when she needed it and cried with her when she needed to cry.  I didn’t judge her.  It was just the pure love of a daughter for her mother.

But the story doesn’t end here.

Before Mom died, she promised to do something for me.  We believe that all of us live as spirits in heaven with our Heavenly Father before we come to this earth and gain a physical body.  After we die, we return to heaven again.  Now, of course, neither of us knew exactly how things “work” once you get there, but she told me if there was any way possible she could help me from the other side, she would.

So, I put in my special request.  I asked her to send us down a little girl.  And, not just any little girl, she needed to be a really easy one!  Even though we had been able to handle the special needs of our other children, we weren’t sure we could handle any more.

We wondered what it would be like to have a child who was typically developing.  So Mom promised to do what she could.  I wondered if it could be possible.. Especially with the words, “You won’t ever get pregnant without my help!” a fertility specialist once told my husband and me, ringing in my ear.

Mom died in July of 2005.  I had felt the pain of loss during my father’s death when I was a teenager, so I hoped going through this a second time would be a bit easier.  It certainly was not.  Most of all, I missed my daily phone calls with Mom.

I hoped my husband would be a good substitute, but it just wasn’t the same as the mother-daughter talks.  I missed her terribly.

In May of 2006, I discovered I was pregnant (without the help of a fertility specialist!)  Our little Ainsley Rose was born in January of 2007.  There’s not a doubt in my mind that Mom had something to do with it.  She is the little girl she promised to send me.

There are many days when I feel like everything is going wrong and I just wish I could I could pick up the phone and talk to Mom again. That’s when I love to hug my little Ainsley Rose and sing “You Are My Sunshine.” It’s the same song Mom sang to me when I was a little girl.  And as always, I can feel that Mom is there again,  with me and for me.