Several years ago, I read something that dramatically affected the way I think. I followed the suggestion and found it to be one of the most spiritual liberating moments of my life. The suggestion was actually rather simple: Remove the phrase “You should” from your vocabulary.
Every time we say, “You should, he should, she should or they should,” it’s the same as passing or making a judgment. We’re saying, “I know what is better or best,” even though it is through our own lenses, prejudices and realities, which may or may not be appropriate for the other person, people or group.
At the beginning, you may find it to be a bit of a challenge but the more you practice refraining from passing judgment with the word “Should,” the more peace you will find with yourself. It happened to me and I’ll readily admit I used freely tell all others what was best for them and what they should have been doing or saying.
Love and Roses on your Windshield,
Paul
Great post, Paul.
I wonder.
Should “should” be replaced by “the right thing to do is….”?
Yikes! Start over.
Is the right thing to do to replace “should” be “the right thing to do is…..”?
Awright! Someone untangle that!
-addy
Hi Addy,
I typically approach it by saying something along the lines of “What if you were to…?” I also say, “I might do it this way,” or “I wouldn’t do it that way.”
If it’s a judgment, I shy away from saying the right thing to do is…
When it’s something that I want to be done in a certain way, saying, “Do it like this” works.
It’s always a work in progress though!
Love and Roses,
Paul
That’s a great way of putting it Brenda. As I mentioned, my life really did change when I changed to a “no-should” zone and quit shoulding on myself!
Thanks for your comment!
Paul
So true
When I notice my coaching clients using the “S” word. I remind them to .. “quit shoulding on yourself”. Of course it makes them laugh, but better than that they start to become more aware of when they are actually saying it and they can stop and re-frame their statement.
Sometimes I even have to take my own advise
~Brenda